Hunt Back Country

when does bow hunting season start in texas?

when does deer hunting season start in texas?

when dose hunting season in Texas with a rifle started? i just can't wait

when does hunting season end in texas? whittail season

Which rifle is best for deer hunting in Texas? My husband wants to go deer hunting when the season begins. This would be his first time hunting. We don't know what rifle to get. Is 30-30 a good choice? Or any other rifles that would be best for deer hunting?

How many deer can you shoot in Texas in a season? My wife thinks you can shoot as many as you want on private property, and the law is governed by the state. I said that anyone that shoots a deer, no matter where it is shot, must tag the deer because each county has different laws regarding how many deer you may shoot. Please send sources, preferably from an official Texas website or guide about hunting laws!

Texas Hunting Fines Question!? My buddy was hunting on Type 2 public land in Texas and was stopped by a game warden. He was issued 3 citations: (1) Hunting with a rifle during bow season. (2) No hunters education card (he has taken the course but did not have the card on him? (3) Hunting without a valid license. I don't know why he did these things, i think he was unsure of the rules and regulations of public land in Texas. About how much money is he going to be paying? Haha yea i agree it was stupid of him. I appreciate the comments, but could you guys maybe throw a number out there, even if it is an estimate. I just want to know if i will be looking for a new roommate if he has to move out in order to pay the fines.

when does bow hunting season begin and end? In texas

can you hunt with a crossbow during bow and rifle season in texas?

When bow hunting, if I stick a deer with an arrow, and it does not die, can I then shoot it with a handgun? This is during bow season in texas, which you are not allowed to hunt with a gun. The intention of the gun is to put down a wounded animal that could be dangerous after being shot.

Can a convicted felon go deer hunting in Texas? My brothers have a friend they want to invite deer hunting but think that since he spent time in prison, he can't go hunting. He is not on parole. I know he can't purchase a firearm, but do you know if he can get a license and USE one of their rifles? Can they GIVE him a rifle or is that forbidden because of his conviction? They want to know soon because deer season (rifle, not bow) ends in about 2 weeks. Thanks for the help! From Texas Parks & Wildlife: "Muzzleloader: Any firearm that is loaded only through the muzzle. Note: A cap and ball firearm in which the powder and ball are loaded into a cylinder is not a muzzleloader. Muzzleloader deer seasons are restricted to muzzleloading firearms only." "Possession of firearms by felons: A convicted felon, regardless of where the conviction occurred, may not possess or use a firearm (as defined by Penal Code, §46.01) to hunt in this state. Under Penal Code, §46.01, a muzzleloading firearm is lawful if it is an antique or curio firearm manufactured before 1899 or a replica of an antique or curio firearm manufactured before 1899 that does not use rimfire or centerfire ammunition."

Has anyone else seen an alligator at Lake Ray Roberts? We saw about a 12 foot long one a couple of weeks ago and when we asked the park ranger he said that there weren't any there. I checked on line and there is a hunting season for alligators in Texas but it did not specifically mention anything about Ray Roberts.

texas a&m basketball help? okay im doing a "scavenger hunt" homework for Texas A&M college basketball and i can't find any of this information anywhere. Athletic Conference: Season Record: NCAA Region: Seed: Date and location of 1st round game: Date and location of 2nd round game: Date and location of 3rd round game: Date and location of Final Four games: any help is appreciated, THANKS SO MUCH

Things I Learned Growin' Up in Texas? Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen before. Raccoons will test your melon crop, and let you know when they are ripe. If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you! Nothing will kill a mesquite tree. There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house. A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck. The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25; then it stops totally until October 2. Onced and twiced are words. Coldbeer is one word People actually grow and eat okra. Green grass DOES burn. When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night. The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks. When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor Fix-in-to, is one word. There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There is only breakfast, dinner and then there's supper. "Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you are two. You also give it to babies for colic..Just a tid-bit. "Backwards and forwards" means I know everything about you. "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?" You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done, or it's too dark to see. You measure distance in minutes or hours. You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. Stores don't have bags. They have sacks. You see cars with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in them, no matter what time of the year. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable. You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked. You carry jumper cables for your own car. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are. You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco. You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages to cover Friday night high school football. The first day of deer season is a state holiday. You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm. The four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas. You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally-world". You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili-eatin' weather. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a Coke regardless of brand or flavor.

Woman and hunting lol.....? It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas. Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get the hell away from my deer!" Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get the hell away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire! Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas cowboy with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady! You can have your damn deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"

Orchestra arrangement for a song from The Simpsons (not the theme)? There is an episode of the Simpsons (I'm not sure which season or episode number/name) the family goes on a nature walk into a cave and fall through a hole. Homer is stuck and while Marge, Maggie and Bart go to find an exit, Lisa tells Homer a story. When Burns and the man from Texas are on a scavenger hunt, a song is played and from what I hear, it sounds like a string orchestra arrangement. It is also played at the end credits. If anyone knows the name or composer of this song, I would greatly appreciate it.

Bizarre, real life animal laws? In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property. It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia. Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law. In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits. In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts. In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours. In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset. In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday. In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed. In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman. French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th. Madison, Wisconsin, will not allow joint custody of a family pet when a couple divorces - the animal is legally awarded to whoever happens to have possession of it at the time of the initial separation. Dogs in Foxpoint, Wisconsin, may not bark profusely, snarl, or make any menacing gestures. In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow. It is illegal to ride a mule down Lang, Kansas' Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat. Over in Berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, Connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a "bright" red taillight securely attached to its rump. Horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of Tahoe City, California. In Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of Seattle must be wearing a cowbell. In Burns, Oregon, horses are allowed in the town's taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter. You can't blow your nose in public places in Leahy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic. In Wanassa, New Jersey, a dog is breaking the law if it is heard to be "crying."

Interesting Star Wars facts? Did you know that when filming Endor, they were filming in Northern California. Well it was hunting season, and they were all ready disguising the fim by naming it something else to keep it a secret. But, due to the hunting season they had Chewbacca keep as low as he could to avoid curious hunters thinking he was Big Foot. here's one other thingabout Chewbacca. Peter Mayhew (not sure when this happened) has a big fan club. And at some point a nice lady starts writing him, and they start talking. Now Mayhew was from England, but now he's a rancher in a small town in texas. kind of funny to imagine him ranching.

carthage, texas? husband & wife looking for a deer lease(season) electric, & water not an issue. we hunt in Angelina county now, looking for something closer.

me and my friend love to hunt??............? well this past deer season i went hunting with my brother-in-law and i didnt know it but he was tresspassing without permission to hun on a lease and i killed my first 6 point....i was and still 15.....right now hes sitting in jail for it.........my mom and step dad dont like to get out and have fun..... and my mom said i couldnt never go hunting with my brother-in-law again which im glad i cant cause hes a moron. anyway me and my friend thought about it a couple a weeks ago and he will be turning 17 this year with his drivers license and we was thinking about coming up with money...which we have jobs so that wont be hard.......we was thinking about coming up with some money to rent out a lease for this deer season.....this is why i came on here to ask because i will be 16 and he will be 17 and im not sure that its legal to do it or to be without adult supervision while hunting......by the way we live in texas if that helps. i already have my truck and im passing all my classes so i can do any HOBBY THAT I CAN AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME TO DO ANYTHING but my parents ok....i understand but what if i could have one of my parents sign the contract

The FACT about Chuck Norris? Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris doesn?t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother?s womb. If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn?t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) Chuck Norris? house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized". Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. Chuck Norris doesn?t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned. Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother?s womb. Chuck Norris can divide by zero If you thing it's good give it a star. If you don't Chuck Norris will round house kick you till you think it's GREAT.

101 Chuck Norris Facts? Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris doesn?t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother?s womb. If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn?t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) Chuck Norris? house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized". Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. Chuck Norris doesn?t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned. Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother?s womb. Chuck Norris can divide by zero Give a star if you like these facts. If you don't you will get a round house kick to the head by Chuck. dark knight: I know Chuck Norris can give 102 fact, but he round house kicked me so hard I forgot the last one.

why are people expecting BC to lose? I just had a long conversation with a couple of my roommates about why BC is getting ripped on by national media types. It boils down to one word: arrogance. The fact is, the national sports media hates to admit they were wrong. BC, Kentucky, South Carolina and a ton of other teams were left out of the Top 25 at the beginning of the season. Meanwhile, teams like LSU, Oklahoma, and USC were determined to be "invincible" and would battle it out in the BCS after three undefeated seasons. This, in all of their infinite wisdom, is what they predicted, so it has to be right. Unfortunately, their little world started to turn upside down. Michigan loses two in a row to unranked teams. Oklahoma gets dropped by mediocre Colorado. USC, the greatest program of the decade, loses to a Stanford team that hasn't beaten anyone legitimate in years. Florida loses two in a row. LSU, the most invincible program of the bunch, loses to upstart UK. Cal, USC's heir to the throne, loses to crappy Oregon State. Uh oh! The vaunted preseason favorites are starting to look vulnerable. After the carnage of the first 7 weeks of the season, Ohio State, South Florida, BC, and Kansas survive (no one cares about Hawaii). Here's their logic: - The Buckeyes are the only "powerhouse" program on the list, so they have to belong. Even though they were pasted in the title game last year and haven't played anyone this year, they're Ohio State. - Kansas is not a a football school and we didn't predict them to do anything this year. Look at the schedule, they haven't played anyone. We'll rank them in the Top 15 to be nice, but they'll eventually be destroyed by better competition. They're not a factor. - South Florida is the ultimate upstart, but they've beaten two good teams. Plus, they were the "sexy pick" by ESPN and a lot of our colleagues, so they're legit. While it wasn't expected they'd be in the title hunt, they were on our radar so they deserve praise. Plus, if we rank them highly, it shows how smart we are...hey USA, we told you to watch out for these guys! - That leaves us with little ole Boston College. Unranked at the beginning of the season. Reeling from losing the most underrated coach in college football and hiring a cheap, unexperienced unknown from the NFL. They're experienced, but they've never done more than go to lower-tier bowl games. This new coaching staff will hurt them. They're not a national title contender, they can't be. They're Boston College. They're in the crappy ACC, they're untested. And so begins a huge screwjob by the media in a lame attempt to save face. They didn't predict us to be where we are so they'll do everything they can to discredit us. We haven't played anyone. East coast media bias. Matt Ryan is overrated. LSU and Florida would beat them on a neutral field. Having a team like BC in the Top 5 hurts college football. USC is still better. The ACC is garbage. It's pretty sick when media types are hoping for a program like BC, which actually values education, to fail so they're stupid preseason predictions can be proven correct. If Kansas happened to beat a team like Texas or Nebraska the same time we beat Georgia Tech, they'd be feeling more heat too. It comes down to the media sincerely believing they are omniscient and they can't accept that they aren't.

know anyone from...? minnesota??? are these true??? i got this email from my cousin from there and i was just wondering. -you live in Texas but vacation in Minnesota in January. -you have friends who schedule their wedding in the middle of January without a thought about weather conditions. -you are always interested in how the gooofers football team is doing. -your state pays a bounty for killing the state mascot. -you consider a six inch snowfall a blessing for "the cities" because it provides instant urban renewal. -you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by. -you keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it ain't worth taking them off for only two months. -you are proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation. -you have ever refused to buy something because it's too "spendy." -you believe that the Vikings would have won four super bowls by now if they were still playing in Metropolitan Stadium. -you have a town with men foolish enough to play a tackle football snow bowl on the Sunday after Christmas for 37 years in a row. -you believe that rushing out on the lakes with your pick-up in November is nature's way of upgrading the state's gene pool. -you think a basketball team consists of twelve white boys. -all your kids at school are above average. -all your women are strong. -you like to come in out of the sun when the temperature gets above 72. -you're a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU. -your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February. -you instinctively walk like a penguin for three months out of the year. -someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there. -your Dad's sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead. -you have ever apologized to a telemarketer. -you believe the only REAL vehicles have skis in front and a loud motor under your seat. -you have a nickname for your chain saw and you pat it on the fuel tank at the end of a hard day's sawing. -you are STILL convinced the Twins will never win the pennant because the owners are too cheap to pay the good players, so they all leave. -you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk. -someone mentions Old Hubie or the Humph, and you know exactly who they mean. -you like the Winter Olympics better than the Summer Olympics. -you beam with pride when some King or Hollywood super star comes to the Mayo Clinic to save their lives. -you consider snow banks to be "just another rough" on the golf course. -you have no "spring" sports season. -you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time. -you were proud when you turned 12 and got a pair of "5 bucklers" for your birthday. -you have ever thought Michelangelo's statue of David was "indecent." -you have either a pet or a child named "Kirby." -you were delighted to get a miniature snow shovel for your 3rd birthday. -your birthday was in April, and you still got to use the shovel right away. -your town has an equal number of bars and churches. -you go to a high school basketball game, the score is 12-8 at halftime, and you don't think there's anything strange about that. -you have ever had an entire telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number. -you know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, and Shakopee. -you grew up thinking rice was only for dessert. -there are four superstar college basketball players turning pro, and your state's team draws the fifth pick. -you think that ketchup is a little too spicy. -you support the preservation of forests, farmland and wetlands because that's where you hunt deer, pheasants and geese. -your daily meals are breakfast, dinner, and supper. -every January, from age 2 to 13, you let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post. -you believe human beings must all go through a frozen dormant period for four months every year. -you consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a breakfast dish when it is filled with fruit, a salad when it has shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a dessert when topped with dreamwhip. -you never heard the word mayonnaise until you went to college. -your local bars still have "The Friday Night Fights" even though boxing is no longer on television. -it makes perfect sense for you to be in-state AND out-state at the same time. -the physician giving a lecture on gastro-intestinal disorders talks about your "tummy." -you firmly believe Bronko Nagurski was the greatest football player that ever lived. -you voted for Mondale. -you know that Kareem, Wilt, Shaq and Alonzo could never have stood up to George Mikan in the paint. -you never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of the dialogue. -your town isn't trying to be ironic when it plans a "winter carnival." -you always believed that vacation meant "going up north." -the first time you entered the Metrodome you looked up and said, "sure could stack a lot of hay bales in here!" -you KNOW there is no such place as Lake Wobegone, but you have drunk St. Wendell's beer. -your gas station thinks FULL SERVICE means filling your gas tank, washing the windshield, checking the oil and being friendly to the customers. -your bank has the name of your town included in its name. -your town has an annual festival honoring a fruit, vegetable or ethnic food. -you know where the "iron range" is. -you praise the parents of the state's top basketball player for pulling him off of the team until his grades improve. -an old lady has ever helped you cross the street. -the temperature in March is above freezing for three days in a row, and you think it's summer. -you think it's best to eat Jell-O after it's molded. -your state's most successful college football coach never cuts anyone, lets his quarterback call all the plays, and has no-contact practices. -you laugh out loud every time you see a news report about a blizzard shutting down the entire east coast. -you understand, and can explain, illegal defense, the infield fly rule, and icing. -the first time you saw "Grumpy Old Men" you thought it was a documentary. -you think that "UFF DA" is a standard English phrase. -your favorite sport when it's cold outside is played where it's cold inside. -your neighborhood has a 20-hour parking zone. -you can recite, from memory, more than a half-dozen "Ole and Lena" jokes. -you know people named Ole and Lena. -your state's pro football team beats San Francisco, but loses to Tampa Bay. -you thank God every morning for not making you an Iowan. -you believe that bitter cold, a slippery surface and speed go together in a sport and on the Interstate. -you hear that the stock market is up and you think the price of hogs has gained 50 cents per hundred weight. -you think of SPAM as a quality, all-purpose meat product whether served with eggs for breakfast, in a sandwich at noontime, or in a hot-dish for supper. -everytime you see moonlight on a lake you think of a dancing bear, and sing, gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters . . . Hamm's, the beer refreshing. Hamm's, the beer refreshing." -you remember the thrill of going to the top of the Foshay Tower. -you don't understand why everyone thinks Garrison Keillor is so funny. -your dog dies, your spouse leaves you, you lose your job, and your car breaks down, all on the same day, and the first thought that comes to your mind is, "It could be worse". -it gets worse.

Are you a redneck fireman? YOU ARE A REDNECK FIREMAN IF……… •your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene. • you have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper. • your firehouse has wheels. • you've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse. • Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk. • you've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground. • at least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January. • your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it. • you don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky. • you've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck. • your rescue truck can smoke the tires. • your department's name is misspelled on the equipment. • your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade. • dispatch can't mention your name without laughing. • the local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time. • your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder. • you've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper. • your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire. • your pumper smokes more than the house fire. • the only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night. The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the "United States Redneck Special Forces". These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists: 1. The season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus. 5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt. We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday. YOU ARE A REDNECK IF……………….. •None of your shirts cover your stomach. •You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment. •You judge drive time solely by the number of beers you need to take. •You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. •You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law. •Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. •You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels. •You go to your family reunion looking for a date. •You own a homemade fur coat. •The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it. •You think the stock market has a fence around it. •You carried a fishing pole into Sea World. •You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial. •You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took. •You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. •You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean. •Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. •Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare. •You think genitalia is an Italian airline. •You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head. •You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner. •Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater. •You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge. •The Salvation Army declines your mattress. •Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner. •The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

Orchestra arrangement for a song from The Simpsons (not the theme)? There is an episode of the Simpsons (I'm not sure which season or episode number/name) the family goes on a nature walk into a cave and fall through a hole. Homer is stuck and while Marge, Maggie and Bart go to find an exit, Lisa tells Homer a story. When Burns and the man from Texas are on a scavenger hunt, a song is played and from what I hear, it sounds like a string orchestra arrangement. It is also played at the end credits. If anyone knows the name or composer of this song, I would greatly appreciate it.

Orchestra arrangement for a song from The Simpsons (not the theme)? There is an episode of the Simpsons (I'm not sure which season or episode number/name) the family goes on a nature walk into a cave and fall through a hole. Homer is stuck and while Marge, Maggie and Bart go to find an exit, Lisa tells Homer a story. When Burns and the man from Texas are on a scavenger hunt, a song is played and from what I hear, it sounds like a string orchestra arrangement. It is also played at the end credits. If anyone knows the name or composer of this song, I would greatly appreciate it.

Strange Animal Laws Can Anyone Tell Me Are These True? It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia. Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law. In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits. In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts. In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours. In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset. In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday. In Arizona, the bullfrog hunting season is permanently closed. In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman. French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th. Madison, Wisconsin, will not allow joint custody of a family pet when a couple divorces the animal is legally awarded to whoever happens to have possession of it at the time of the initial separation. Dogs in Foxpoint, Wisconsin, may not bark profusely, snarl, or make any menacing gestures. In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow. It is illegal to ride a mule down Lang, Kansas' Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat. Over in Berea, Kentucky and also in Willamantic, Connecticut, horses are not allowed out on the streets and highways at night unless the animal has a "bright" red taillight securely attached to its rump. Horses may not wear cowbells inside the city limits of Tahoe City, California. In Washington, though, every cow wandering the streets of Seattle must be wearing a cowbell. In Burns, Oregon, horses are allowed in the town's taverns, if an admission fee is paid before they enter. You can't blow your nose in public places in Leahy, Washington, because it might scare a horse and cause it to panic. In Wanassa, New Jersey, a dog is breaking the law if it is heard to be "crying."

is it legal to hunt with a sks in texas? i am thing of buying a semi-automatic sks to use for deer season but someone told me it might be illegal to hunt with a semi-automatic i will be hunting in texas and ohio is it legal or not

I just bought Four Guns, What tips do you have for deer hunting duck hunting and what are the rest of the hunt hunting seasons? I got 2 rifles 1 shot gun and 1 revolver. What is each type of gun used for and do I need to worry about it back firing. My father has 25 acreas for me to hunt on I five foot two 105lbs. Should i shot a gun while pregnant? I live in Allen texas so where do I take it so I can carry the revolver with me. is no body going to tell me what the other hunting seasons are? Seriously what are the hunting seasons? We aren't rich I only spent $842 that nothing much. And the 25 acreas only cost daddy 125,000 cash Nobody ever of backfire when you shoot and the bullet goes backwards and shoots you instead of going forward.

Duck hunting near Galveston, Texas I love duck hunting, but this season (regular season) I will be working away from South Texas in Galveston. Are there any good public hunting grounds nearby? If so, where, and what kind of ducks live in that area?

.....Chuck Norris 101... Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris doesn?t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother?s womb. If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn?t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) Chuck Norris? house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized". Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. Chuck Norris doesn?t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. When you're Chuck Norris, anything anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned. Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother?s womb. Chuck Norris can divide by zero

im going bow hunting in texas this season? im looking for a bow that is great for knocking down whitetail, im a little short on money im not looking to spend over $250...im new to bows and stuff so i need the basics, and also this spring me and a couple Budd's are taking a trip to oklahoma. we are going to the K river and going bow-fishing for gar... so i want a bow that can convert into both.. im not wanting to spend a lot of money when i can just buy one, thanks whats a good reliable bow/fishing-bow. thats my qeustion! geez

I have received an early probation release. Can I go hunting in Texas now? On my probation papers it did not specify that I could not have a firearm. I have been released from my probation and would like to hunt this season. I had a property felony. Texas

when does deer hunting season start and end in tx ? when does deer hunting season w rifles start and end in texas

Where can I go to find a hunting lease in Southeast Texas, preferably around Trinity? My fiance and I want to lease some property for deer hunting this coming season. Anyone know where I can go to find a lease around the above areas? We don't want to spend a fortune either. Thanks!

How can I make my family accept my husband? My husband and I moved up from Texas a little over a year ago. When we moved up here, my dad and his wife were fine with him, my dad even took him hunting pretty much every day last deer season. Now, every time I talk with them, they are always dogging him.. What can I do to stop this?

dumb question but about hunting....? is dove season over?! and also is whitetail season begun!? idk if it matters but i think it does so i live in texas! thanks yall!

how much is tax????? for instance im planning on buying a hunting rifle for deer season, say the gun i want is 299.99, ow much would tax be, and if it helps i live in texas. and how can you add tax up before buying it so ill no how much to save

Either a college football fan or not a fan. Are u readyy. I said are u readyy? Im not a college football fan, if I was I would be a Texas fan. The season starts August 30-08. The big game of the opening season will be LSU the national champion and number one team in the country vs none ranking team Appalachian state. We seen Michigan lost to Appalachian state and history was made. For one day on August 30-08 Im supporting a college football team between LSU vs Appalachian state game, Im going with Appalachian state because I want them to make history. I dont know if they can beat LSU, I respect LSU. never ever count out off national championship hunt the LSU tiger. They are best. Tell u the truth USC has dominated college football with most bowl berth. I will be happy to watch USC vs LSU in a national title game, or rose bowl. I have tons of respect for LSU. I want to see history to be made so I want Appalachian state beat LSU. In college football none ranking team beating ranking team thats a history to remember. For me it will be great to watch the history take place on August 30-08. If u dont support Appalachian state on August 30-08, I ave there support for August 30-08. LSU never back down from a big or small game. But Appalachian state wont go home quietly. Who have thought Michigan will be losing to them last year, not me. But it happened. This year we are looking for history been repeated. I love to watch and relive history and its my time to watch another one goes down. U have seen Lakers vs Boston nba final which was history, u seen New York Giant vs New England game at superbowl history been made. Its time for 3rd but last one. I hope Appalachian state win over LSU. and I mean it. Appalachian state fan for one day Im on ur side to support your team to pull up a upset game, as well make history. Tell me what time that game is on August 30-08 I want the time for east coast. Enjoy. If your not a college football fan, watch the game see how very excited it will be on that day.

Right or wrong? Who is in the wrong? We live in texas, it gets pretty chilly here around nov-march....anyway. My husband and his family are REALLY big into deer hunting...i however, am not. I dont care about it but he loves it so he goes, and ive gone with him in the past to make him happy. I didnt go last year at all because i was pregnant...now im having a problem. My baby is now 6mo old, and deer season starts next week, and my mother in law called last night and told my husband me him and our daughter need to come hunting next weekend...personally i think its too cold for her to be out in the woods not to mention she wouldnt be quiet enough. i dont think she needs to go....am i wrong?